I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
