Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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