when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
