she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
