I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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