Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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