then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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