I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
