RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize