And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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