You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
