Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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