Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
too bad you live with your parents still
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize