And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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