Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
