I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a search helicopter?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
