So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
