i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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