Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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