this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
