3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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