I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
