Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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