his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
