I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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