Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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