once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize