Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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