a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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