Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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