Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
