you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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