Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
