i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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