She said her name was "party"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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