I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
