I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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