i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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