i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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