Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
