Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
