so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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