I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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