I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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