I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
