allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
