she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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