So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
