Apparently you make a good broom.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
