Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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