dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
