VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize