omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
