Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
