omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize