If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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