I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my shit smells like andre
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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