He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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