if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
