the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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