hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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