i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
