Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
