I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
