she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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