what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize