I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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