Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
