i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He passed out mid-signature
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
