I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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