i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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