Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
